Journal Entry – April 20, 2020

It has been ten days since my sweet baby girl entered into the arms of her Savior. Ten days of unspeakable grief and a flood of other emotions that would be expected for anyone trying to process this incredible loss. The truth is, I lost Cassie almost ten years ago. Somehow, in my heart, I believed that I would see her changed. That we would receive a miracle and be restored and reunited as a family – mother and daughter. I know now, that while the miracle was not as I have envisioned it, we did receive our miracle. Cassie is in the presence of her Savior – held, safe and loved. We were given the gift of time. Time to say what needed to be said and ears to receive. I am grateful. Why is it that I cannot focus soley on the miracle and the mercy and grace God provides? Why am I consumed with anger, pain, fear and guilt? I know I need to grieve. I understand it is necessary and it is a process. Help me Lord to understand. Help me to be patient in my grieving. And help me to rejoice in my sorrow as Cassie is with You!

Thank you Lord, for holding me. For wrapping me up in Your Love. For sending your Holy Spirit to provide comfort. I miss her desperately! I want to know she is safe. To catch a glimpse of her in Your presence. I know You will show me when the time is right. Hold her close Lord. Let her know how much we love her and how we ache to see her agan!

Thank you Lord for loving us – but especially for loving Cassie.