Journal Entry – August 6th, 2020

This year, 2020, has been filled with so many hardships, struggles and overwhelming grief. In the midst of this perpetual storm there are signs of a lightening sky in the distance. My beautiful daughter Carleigh-Ann is getting married in October. Something beautiful to celebrate! yet, the weight of our current challenges and unspeakable grief continue to cloud over the joy. I want so desperately to dig deep into all the preparations as we get closer to Carleigh’s wedding. For the most part, I feel I am . At least at surface level. And then I realize that she too will be leaving home and the protection of her mothers care. I am reminded daily of how quickly things change and how precious life is. Our time with each other is a gift from God. As I wrire today, I am on a Mother-Daughter trip with Carleigh-Ann. Spending some much needed one-on-one time before her wedding. I never had the opportunity to have a mother-daughter trip with Cassie. If I did, I did not seize the opportunity. This grieves me immensely.

Lord, please help me to recall precious moments with Cassie. To keep them in the forefront of my mind. Help me to carry her memory joyfully into every season of my life.

Lord, please remind me to be intentional. I don’t want to miss opportunities that I will later regret. With my parents, husband, children and friends. I want to be present Lord and it is so hard to do so right now.